So, what did I miss?

I am back, slightly more tan, slightly more drunk and wishing I was still on vacation. But time marches on, and as it does so comes the version update notes. Let's review what happened last week and toss in a little dash of Ring meta-commentary for some spice!
First, SE gave a little more information about the first Abyssea expansion, Visions of Abyssea. The information provided was not that deep to say the least. I didn't really expect all that much, but all we got was basically a generic blurb about darkness, bleakness, anguish, destruction, and harrowing...ness. Hell, they even used the called the skies sanguine. Hey SE, you are making a game for a bunch of previously teen now sadly older video game nerds that just can't let go. How are they supposed to know what sanguine even means... wait... ok, maybe they are going to be the only people in the word that knows what sanguine means. Alrighty SE, go ahead, what were you saying? Anyway, we get a lot of big, nasty, scary words and not much of anything of substance. I mean honestly, the drawn picture of the new expansion gives us a better impression of what we can expect than the words that you choose to write about the damn thing! I felt like I was reading some kind of spooky-evil-demonic-underworld former baseball player trying to answer direct questions about steroids at a congressional hearing.

That isn't to say that I am not looking forward to the expansion, because I am totally geeking out for the damn things. An entire set of expansions designed around end-game? Where do I sign up? After finally doing some of my Wings missions (my god do those missions get INSANELY good after Lilith is introduced) and getting a better idea of what is going on, I am firmly of the opinion that Abyssea is the memories of the current time in Lilith's time-line that Atomos has already swallowed up. Yeah, those were spoilers there, but seriously something needs to get you guys motivated to do those missions and quests already! If you look at the background painting of the Abyssea website you will also see all sorts of new weapons as well as in the pictures on the Visions of Abyssea page. First and foremost, there is the sword the size of a small elephant in the hand of a particularly white Paladin. The gear is definitely in the .dats already, but that sword is not. That sword would give the bulbous-Nerf-cartoon weapons from WoW penis envy. Sure, sure, the taru is wearing purple Baron's gear, and he has an all new club model, but what is really interesting is the fist full o' giant spikes the MNK is using. Oh, and the nasty, demon Behemoth... that's interesting too.

Well, that was my report on one picture... man I can be long winded. That doesn't mean I am going to stop though. :) Our second pic is interesting in all new and equally long-winded ways! Ok, first of all there is the new mob, which is just the center mob in this picture from the back. But do we really care about non-series-related mobs? No, we don't. We care about big-bladed choppy sticks, the Yagudo-wannabe's that wield them and their... pink "power" Ranger friends? Seriously, ok, white haubs? Weird, but whatever, they do look good. Aqua-marine Baron's gear (and I don't give a fuck what color E. Body is, but I am not stepping into that war either)? That's fine by me. But I swear to god SE, I will fucking fly to Japan and I will piss in all of your fucking sake if put even one decent fucking stat on that pink holocaust. It's Noct gear, a cool design if in somewhat boring colors, but it's been made FABULOUS! Don't you fucking dare! Skadi is already way more pink than it should be... Ranger's are awesome archers with a little wilderness stealth and a whole bunch of shoot-you-in-the-face damage tossed in. This is what SE said about RNG's at VanaFest:

We also plan on adding new equipment designed for both form and function, with attributes and appearance befitting these lethal hunters and huntresses.

If this shit makes it into the game, then we know that SE really has been fucking with us all this time. Form and function? Attributes and appearance? Fuck me gently with a chainsaw... So, the RNG gets tossed into the dressing room at Benetton but the BST beats him up, steals his lunch money, rapes a Yagudo and then wears it's skin like Buffalo Bill and gets a "that's not an axe, THIS is an axe" axe to top it all off. The BST gear in that model-line is notorious for massive suckage, but man there is no way they can put bad stats on a coat made out of a fucking Yagudo. It would be an even bigger crime than making "Rosy the Ranger" gear.

Yeah, that was long-winded, so what? Don't make me stab you. I have been out of the loop for a week. Tomorrow, I might go over the new quests update, or I might just skip it because I don't know if it's worth a whole blog post, and I do need to cover the CoP areas getting uncapped and the money I now owe Iceblazek. Fucking SE!